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Azula vs. the Planeteers

by on November 12, 2011

So, I’ve been in hospital, as the British say, for the past couple days, which is why I have neither blogged nor worked on my NaNo (very sad). On the bright side, I did have a chance to revisit a bit of pop-culture nostalgia. Being in the hospital means your sleep schedule gets thrown off, as you are awakened at regular intervals to have your vitals checked and so forth, and as I had no Internet access and my computer had gotten left at home, I basically had little to do but watch television. In so doing, I stumbled across Captain Planet. I made an observation. I am not entirely sure the supervillains on that show were serious. Had they been, they could’ve taken out the Planeteers in five seconds flat. Why? Very simple: the “Let Our Powers Combine” Routine.

Now, it’s been a long while since I’d seen that show, and I only saw about three episodes of it this time, but basically here’s what I got. Whenever the Planeteers found themselves facing a problem they couldn’t handle on their own, even with the awesome powers of Fire, Wind, Water, Earth, and Heart, they combined their power rings to form the virtually unstoppable Captain Planet. But they don’t just do this, no, they have to talk while they do it. So, Kwame, with the power of Earth, starts it off: “Let our powers combine!” Then it goes like this.

Kwame: “Earth!” *ring flashes* *bit of music plays*

Wheeler: “Fire!” *ring flashes* *bit of music plays*

Linka: “Wind!” *ring flashes* *bit of music plays*

Gi: “Water!” *ring flashes* *bit of music plays*

Ma-Ti: “Heart!” *ring flashes* *bit of music plays*

Captain Planet: “By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!”

Planeteers: “Goooooo PLANET!”

And while this recitation is happening, what are the extremely unsubtly-named villains doing? Nothing. They stand around politely waiting until the Planeteers have fully invoked their hero, and he’s made his opening remarks, and they’ve responded with a cheer. THEN, and only then, will they attack. And so it occurred to me, suppose the Planeteers were facing someone else, someone really menacing, someone like…Princess Azula from the Fire Nation? Does anyone remember the epic twist ending of the Avater: the Last Airbender season two finale “Crossroads of Destiny”? If you do, you know exactly how Azula would’ve dealt with the Planeteers. Here’s how that would’ve gone.

Kwame: “Let our powers combi-”


Kwame: *dies*

And there goes the episode.




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  1. Hospital?? I hope everything is okay! Hope you’re recovering!

    Captain Planet, ahhhhh that takes me back in time! And I would agree that the producers/writers probably should have thought a bit more about the realism in the script ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • You might say I had my own version of Head Cutty Cutty Day. ๐Ÿ˜› basically I had emergency dental surgery. not fun. but I am recovering and doing lots better now.
      To be fair, this sort of thing wasn’t limited to Captain Planet, as I recall. I’ve seen the first season of the old Iron Man cartoon. Yipes.

  2. Oh no, are you broken?! I hope not. Do get well soon! (Imagine that with British accent, ‘cuz it sounds more, you know, better. Yeah. More better.)

    Hadn’t thought of Captain Planet in ages; now the theme song is playing in my head…

    • British accents DO sound more better. I listen to the BBC sometimes just to hear them say words like “conTROVersy” or “Los Angeleez”. Lol. And thanks for the well-wishes; I’m definitely all fixed now, more or less.

      “Captain Planet, he’s our hero, takes pollution down to zero…”

  3. Your titles are wonderfully retro! Awesome!

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