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by on September 27, 2012

This story was written for Trifecta’s weekly prompt, and follows on from this one. Enjoy!

K’Pid had studied all the invasion protocols before landing on Earth. Most authorities recommended orbital bombardment and discouraged ground landings except as a last resort, or possibly mopping-up operations. Now, stuck in a cornfield with an unusual assortment of Earthlings facing a ravenous undead manatee, K’Pid wished very much that she had followed the protocols.

Some aliens in her position would’ve whipped out their phasers and started shooting everyone in blind panic. K’Pid wasn’t that sort. She calmly engaged her universal translator widget and attempted a greeting. Alas, her universal translator widget couldn’t quite handle the strain of translating alien, Earthling, and bellowing manatee, and shorted out, departing for whatever heaven universal translator widgets go to.  Thus, K’pid’s sentence came out something like, “Greetings! I come in pl’arg sporkanzik fluke-norp!”

Apparently this was a grave insult in manatee language, for Frankenmanatee immediately lunged towards her, roaring and waving its flippers in terrible fury. K’Pid went for her phaser, deciding that maybe she was the kind of shooting-in-blind-panic alien after all. Then she remembered that she had left her phaser on the ship. For one second she considered a mind-meld. Before she could try this, Captain Happily Married intervened with a different sort of meld, where his red-gloved fist melded with Frankenmanatee’s head, whereupon it flew backwards and collapsed into an unconscious heap.

“Well, that was fun,” Fillmore Streamlet commented, putting away his comlink, which he had been about to use to call in an airstrike. “Now what?”

Winifred gulped. “I don’t think I’m feeling very well.”

“There, there,” Fillmore said, in a voice which tried to sound empathetic and failed miserably. “The horrible undead manatee’s not going to eat your brains. The alien over there might, I’m not entirely sure, but I’d imagine it might knock you out first and then eat you, whereas the manatee would probably have started on you alive, crunching right into-”

Winifred made a hurk sort of sound and ran off into the bushes.

 

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6 Comments
  1. I am still cracking up over the manatee; I keep picturing it ravening… after seagrass!

    Orbital bombardment seems like a not unreasonable response to everything going on around there.

    • As that one character from that alien movie said, orbital bombardment is the only way to be sure. (I’ve never seen that movie myself, but I hear that’s what she said.)

  2. Just fantastic. I’m love science fiction and humorous science fiction is highly prized! Really enjoyed reading this one! And I look forward to many more! 😀

    • Humorous sci-fi is the best. And there will definitely be many more to come. 😛

  3. There’s so much going on here, it’s hard to know where to start. I like the stage you’ve set (and invited all your characters to). The Frankenmanatee is pretty solid. Thanks for linking up.

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