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Princely

by on July 3, 2013

This story was written for Trifecta’s weekly prompt, and follows on from Apple Most Foul, and Interrogation. Roll film!

The Queen Mother had gone missing, and Prince Evinrude of House Charming had vowed neither to eat, nor sleep, nor use the privy until he had found her.

At least, that was what the proclamations said. Actually Evinrude didn’t mind at all that the queen had gotten lost, and he wasn’t in overmuch of a hurry to find her again. She had ruled hard, on her subjects and her family, and she had squandered the crown’s financial resources considerably. Besides, practically speaking, if she didn’t turn up again, he was next in line.

Still, one had to keep up appearances. So that was why he was trudging through the wood, halfheartedly calling for his mother every now and again. Then suddenly a black-cloaked pig dropped out of a tree and barred his path. “Tell me what you know about the queen’s disappearance,” it said grimly.

“No thanks,” Evinrude said. “I know you; you’re the Third Little Pig. You’re an outlaw. What’re you going to do if I don’t? Kill me? Go ahead. The monks say heaven is quite pleasant.”

“No. Killing’s what that uncivilized wolf would do. Far too crude.” It pulled a metal device from inside the cloak. The object looked like a spoon, but it had peculiar sharp points where an ordinary curve should be.

“What are you going to do with that?” Evinrude asked in morbid curiosity.

“I won’t say. I’ll leave it to your imagination. What sort of nasty uncomfortable things could I do with this slightly rusted, sharply pointed thing?”

The prince, after a moment’s consideration, very quickly told all he knew. “She’s got a chamber below the dungeons. We think she’s done sorcery in there, but we don’t have a key, and the door won’t open. Magical, I expect.”

The pig nodded, and tossed the device his way. “Here. It’s your head-waiter’s new ice cream fork. Borrowed it.” Then he was gone.

“Well, I never,” said the astonished Evinrude. “A spoon and fork at once. Most innovative.”

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18 Comments
  1. 😛 Now this just doesn’t feel finished! What happens next?

    and what a legendary moment – the revelation of the spork!

    • I have several ideas about what happens next; it involves two more fairy tales and a bit of unholy magic. 😛

  2. Cobbie's World permalink

    If you give up your secrets because of a spork then, you don’t deserve to sit on the throne. Funny post, sir!

    • That is a good point….still, in Evinrude’s position, I probably would’ve done the same. 😛

  3. Imaginative, well written, with some fun tossed right in! Enjoyed this :))

  4. ‘Why a spork?’ ‘Because it’ll hurt more!!!!’
    Excuse the mangled quote, but I couldn’t resist. Very funny. I’m enjoying this series 🙂

  5. Oh, so Taco Bell didn’t invent the spork? Who knew! I’m liking the familiar fairy tale characters with a twist.

    • Apparently the “ice cream fork” has been around for some time. Isn’t history fun?

  6. KymmInBarcelona permalink

    Love Prince Evinrude. Is he from that Brahmin line, the Boston Whalers?
    I dislike the pig, but am really enjoying his appearances.
    I don’t think he was cowardly at all to run from the threat of a spork-wielding pig.

    • Actually, I got his name from the dragonfly in Disney’s The Rescuers. I’m glad you’re enjoying the pig, even if you dislike him. I will admit, he is more of an antiheroic pig, but I don’t think he’s a villainpig, really….

  7. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’d tell all my secrets to a spork-wielding pig. Loving this story Michael! Can’t wait for next week!

  8. Draug419 permalink

    Pork and spork haha 😀 This is getting quite interesting.

  9. I don’t know if I laughed harder at you and your sporks or at Draug’s comment 😉

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