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E is for Ewokington, and Overly Enthusiastic Fairies

by on July 22, 2013

Last time in the Catrina Chronicles, our heroine had finally fulfilled her quest to retrieve Mlrning (the Shovel of Thor!), defeating her brother Edmund and his horde of C-monsters in the process, and saving Asgard and the rest of the 21st-century world. Meanwhile, back in her proper 12th century, her royal consort Perry was having difficulties of his own. Specifically, he’d become a very large, very upset bear…

Ewokington wasn’t on anybody’s map. Even the great map of the whole kingdom that was hung up specially in the royal library of Shmirmingard Castle only showed Ewokington as a little dot without a name, a microscopic smudge in a bend of the Sticky Bun River. Ewokington had never been invaded, never been considered as a strategic military point, never been discussed as a great center of commerce. It didn’t even have a castle; the closest thing to it was the estate of the old lord Bill, Viscount of Bunland. It was just the way the Yellow Fairy liked it.

She had been living there for a century or two, ever since that disastrous incident involving Princess Ermingard. She’d averted the curse of the chamber pot placed on the princess by the evil enchantress as best she could, making sure Ermingard would only go off for a short nap instead of going all the way dead. She’d even thrown in the bit about how Ermingard would be awakened by True Love’s Kiss. How was she to know that Prince Roderick would go off and marry some random girl he’d met in the woods, abandoning his duty as True Love’s Kisser? It had nearly led to war between Roderick’s father and Ermingard’s father. In the end, the Yellow Fairy had been forced to resign her post, and she’d gone into hiding ever since. No one ever came to visit her. She moved from small village to smaller village, staying just long enough until the villagers started to wonder about her longevity, then she would fake her death and quietly move on. The Yellow Fairy was getting to be rather good at this. She’d so far pretended to be run over by a rabid cow, struck by a flour barrel falling out of nowhere, eaten by a roving pack of marmosets, and squished by a careless giant. She’d been in Ewokington for forty years now, and people were beginning to talk. It was nearly time to disappear again. “Hm,” the Yellow Fairy wondered aloud, as her tea kettle hissed at her. “I wonder what I should die of this time?”

It was at that moment that she heard a sudden pounding and snuffling at the door. The Yellow Fairy peeked out her window, naturally wary of unknown visitors late at night, especially when they snuffled. To her surprise, standing there on her doorstep was a great brown bultitude of a bear, sucking on one paw. The Yellow Fairy was, needless to say, a bit startled. It wasn’t every day one had a bear on one’s doorstep.

She pulled out her wand, just in case, and tapped it to make sure it still worked. A few shiny sparkles came from one end. She’d never been quite satisfied with her wand, and wondered sometimes if it was defective; it would be just her luck to get a wand that wasn’t right. For the hundredth time, she made a mental note to take it back to the wand-makers’ shop and complain. Meanwhile, it was the best she had. Wand in hand, she unlocked her door and confronted the bear. “Right, you,” she said, “what in heaven’s name do you want?”

The bear snuffled again. It looked very confused and distressed, and the Yellow Fairy sensed that something wasn’t quite right about it. It didn’t seem like a normal bear. A normal bear wouldn’t have come right up to her cottage door, for one thing. “Oh dearie me,” she said, “you’re enchanted, aren’t you? You’ve got yourself under a spell or something that made you a bear. Oh dear, oh dear.”

It nodded earnestly. The Yellow Fairy wondered who it was. She hadn’t heard that anyone had gone missing. Usually people who’d got themselves turned into animals turned out to be long-lost princes, but there weren’t any princes around to get lost in the first place. The kingdom had a princess of course, Catrina, and she did have a consort, but so far as the Yellow Fairy knew, he was still back in Shmirmingard. She’d heard odd rumors away up north, near Shmirmingard, something about an army let by Utgarda-Loki that had come to attack the castle, but it seemed they’d all gone away again, wherever they had come from. She couldn’t make anything out of that. “You’re not,” she asked hesitantly, “the Princess’s consort, are you? The Lord, ah, what’s his name, Perry, I think?”

The bear nodded again, even more enthusiastically, and the Yellow Fairy gasped. She’d gotten lonely over the past hundred years, and would’ve liked a friendly visitor or two for tea, but she had never expected to receive the enchanted royal consort, particularly as a bear. At any rate, there was clearly one thing to do. “Right,” she said, tapping her wand, “I’ll have you turned back in a jiffy. Stand straight, please. Don’t look so worried; I’m a professional. Now then. Wibbity, wobbity, w00!”

There was a flash of yellow light. The bear didn’t change; it only stood disconsolately on the path outside her cottage. A flower next to the path, however, gave a sudden delighted squeak, leaped out of its flowerpot, and scuttled away, chirping, “I’m free! I’m free!”

“Oh dear,” said the Yellow Fairy. “I must have misfired. Let me try again.”  She raised the wand, and waved it about in a complicated pattern that looked like the unholy love child of a triangle and a parallelogram. “Shazam! Wibbity! Woo!”

This time the bush on the opposite side of the path burst into a spray of fireworks that shot into the sky and disappeared in bright blooms of color. The Yellow Fairy was beginning to get irritated. “Blasted wand, never does what you want it to,” she grumbled, rolling up her sleeves. “Ah, well, third time pays for all.”

The bear made a series of nervous gestures with its paws. It meant to convey that it really appreciated her effort, but didn’t want to trouble her any further, and it was actually quite happy being a bear for the present, and so it was just going to go away and come back another time. Unfortunately, the Yellow Fairy mistook its gestures for encouraging signs. “That’s the spirit, keep your chin up, and never say die!” she said. “Well, then, on the count of three: one, two, thr-”

But she never got the chance to try a third time.

To be continued…

….

This has been another episode of the Catrina Chronicles. For previous episodes, go here. For my Amazon author page where you can find two full-length stories with Catrina in them, go here. And, as always, thanks for reading!

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2 Comments
  1. Now you have to write a little side tale about the mischief that the freed flower gets up to…

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