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What Really Happened

by on July 31, 2013

Dinner was over and they were all lounging comfortably around the fireplace when he rose importantly from his chair. “My brothers,” he said grandly, “We have been very fortunate.”

“Hear, hear,” they mumbled, in what wasn’t exactly a rousing chorus of affirmation. But they ‘d come to expect this sort of thing; he was so fond of making speeches.  Happily he usually kept to inoffensive platitudes, and so they didn’t need to pay much attention.

“But,” he said, startling them badly, “I think we need to do more. This land is so troubled, and we could help so much.”

“Why should we?” one said bluntly. “We’re only three pigs, after all.”

“Not to state the obvious, but we’re three talking pigs. Any other talking pigs you know of around here? Not very. We’ve been given a gift. We have the responsibility to-”

“Look,” said the first pig, “I’d love to go on a crusade for justice or whatever, but I’m much too busy. I’ve been retained by Goldilocks, you know, in that trespassing suit the Three Bears filed. The trial prep alone could take months!”

“And it’s not exactly true,” said the second, “that we’re the only talking pigs. There’s Guinevere from Farmer Bob’s place. We’re sort of…seeing each other.”

“I see,” said the third pig in disappointment. “I had hoped…” Then his jaw tightened. “Fine. If we won’t band together, we bloody well can’t live together. I want you out of my house. By tomorrow.”

“But where are we supposed to go? The housing market’s wretched around here.  The brickmakers have gone on strike, too, and-“

“So use straw. Sticks. Your own droppings, for all I care. Just go.”

He felt a little remorseful when they did go the next morning, sniveling unhappily. One of these days, he thought, he would make it up to them. But that day never arrived. The wolf came first.  

This story was written for this week’s Trifecta prompt. It also takes place in the same universe as  my Third Little Pig stories, though chronologically it predates them. I decided a little backstory was in order.

  1. Clever and fun write. My brain would have never thought pre-three little pigs story. lol

  2. The trespassing suit against Goldilocks was priceless.

  3. Cobbie's World permalink

    Loved it! Very clever take on the prompt and on a familiar fairy tale. Thanks for linking up this week.

  4. Cute flip on the tale! Very modern day, indeed! Thanks so much for linking up this week!

  5. And folks, we have a winner! Loved this from beginning to comeuppance end! Wonderfully written!

  6. Funny and clever. I enjoyed reading this. Loved the reference to Goldilocks. Great job repackaging an old, well-known story and adding a nice bow. 🙂

  7. Kir Piccini permalink

    Oh this was very good, wickedly funny, creative and I loved how you weaved their story into the plot with such ease.

    I was giggling until the wolf came. The ending was great.

    Thank you so much for linking up this week.

  8. Kir Piccini permalink

    I left a comment but don’t kniw where it is.

    I loved the story, loved the weaving of a backstory. I was giggling until the wolf came.
    Then I gasped and felt the sadness of never having enough time.

    Thank so much for linking up this week.

    • Thank you; I’m glad you found it funny, and also sad, which is interesting to do in the same story. 🙂

  9. This was great, Michael! The Goldilocks suit cracked me up, and also when he told them what they could use to build their houses. (I didn’t expect the wolf to get them, though.) Nice twist on a familiar tale 🙂

  10. It’s funny that the beginning of the story in no way tells a new reader hey, you’re bout ta get smacked with silliness 😉 I dug the segue into the Pigs, and how you worked in their respective housing troubles, really well done sir…

    • Thanks. I do so enjoy the ordinary segue that goes into the “wait, what?” moment. 😀

  11. Ohhhhhhhh. Sucker punch.
    for justice or whatever – still laughing over that. Also loved the pig’s jaw tightening. Brilliant!

    • “For Justice or Whatever” isn’t exactly the most ringing battle cry, is it?

  12. Damn, Michael, you are so good at this! Love the backstory, especially the mix of humour with the tragic undertones in the ending. And yeah, the reference to the Goldilocks case was awesome! 🙂

    • Of course, now I’m wondering who took poor Goldie’s case once the first little pig got himself eaten…

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