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M is for Mighty Mecha Meteors

by on October 7, 2013

Last time in the Catrina Chronicles, our heroine had just discovered that her royal consort Perry was actually an undercover sleeper agent working for Atlantis. Worse, she had made this discover at a singularly unfortunate time, about two seconds after Atlantis had invaded her kingdom. Leaving her to cope with this distressing revelation, we return to the wizard’s duel between the Yellow Fairy and Peter Mordred, son of Morgana Le Fay…..
She knew he was going to cheat. She just knew it. The Yellow Fairy had dealt with Peter Mordred before, and like most villains, he very rarely kept his word. He’d find some loophole in the rules, some ambiguity he’d twist to his advantage. She counted off the requisite ten paces, wondering how he was going to do it.  What clever technicality would he exploit this time?

She was giving him entirely too much credit. Peter Mordred wasn’t planning something twisted and clever, oh no, he was going right for the obvious.  The Yellow Fairy had just reached ten and was reaching for her wand when she heard a sudden furious staccato chatter, like a horde of manic drummer boys. She dove for cover, scrambling into some nearby bushes and ducking swiftly behind a tree. Bullets tore away at the bark, and the Yellow Fairy knew the tree wouldn’t provide shelter for long. She could have protested to Peter that the rules they had agreed upon specifically forbade machine guns, or anything outside of their medieval time period. But since he’d decided to break clean through that rule….

Peter was feeling quite pleased with himself. He’d conjured up plenty of ammunition, and any moment now he expected to see the Yellow Fairy’s corpse tumbling out from behind the tree. Then suddenly the tree was sliced in half by a massive gun  barrel, and its remains crunched into sawdust by mighty iron treads. An M1 Abrams tank rumbled out of the woods and bore down upon him. Peter spat out a flurry of bullets, but they pinged right off the tank’s armored plating. SO, Peter thought, YOU WANT TO PLAY IT THAT WAY, DO YOU? (Peter had always thought as loudly as he spoke. It was a most deplorable habit.)

The machine gun changed, shooting up in a sudden burst of metal and electric sparks. The Yellow Fairy, still in tank form, backed away in alarm. In a complete violation of the law of conservation of mass, it seemed the machine gun had changed into….a giant mecha robot! It had roughly humanoid form, though with at least two extra arms, and so many rocket launchers, plasma cannons, giant metal swords, and various other pointed exploding things that it looked like a crazy armored manic hedgehog. The Yellow Fairy might’ve laughed if it weren’t so serious. For one thing, she’d also spotted the nuclear reactor humming away in its chest, and realized that if Peter lost control of the darn thing he could probably wipe out all of Shmirmingard in a single moment. There was only one thing to do.

The Mordredmecha leveled a plasma cannon at her tank form, clearly intending to vaporize her in one blast. But then the tank changed, morphing up and out, and all at once the Yellow Fairy had turned into a robot at least as tall as Mordred’s, although hers was more streamlined and aesthetically pleasing. Also her energy source was based on clean-burning non-radioactive padamantium crystals. The Mordredmecha fired his plasma cannon anyway, but the Yellow Fairy powered up an energy shield that caught his blast easily and deflected it right back at him.  She then armed her own plasma cannon array, adding in a proton torpedo launcher for good measure. Then she paused. All those plasma explosions were going to do a ton of collateral damage. Her little village of Ewokington on the Sticky Bun River wasn’t all that far away, and probably would get smashed to splinters if she went on. If she unleashed a spread of proton torpedoes and he responded in kind…

The Yellow Fairy-mecha vanished. The Mordredmecha hesitated, whirring in confusion. A speaker burped static near its faceplate. The static cleared up into a thunderous boom. “WHERE ARE YOU?”  it roared. Peter Mordred had been looking very much forward to an all-out mecha battle.

Then the Mordred-mecha’s sound sensors picked up a tiny, almost infinitesimal, beep. Beep….beep…beep..

It surveyed the area with all sorts of infrared detectors and visual scanners. The mecha zeroed in on a round barrel-object sitting quietly against a tree. A string of red numbers ran rapidly down towards zero. Beep, beep, beep, beep beep beep beebeebeebeeeeeeeee….

The Mordredmecha realized what the device was about two seconds before it went off. An electromagnetic pulse blasted away from the bomb and flashed through the forest, instantly depowering the mecha and every other electric device within several miles. Of course, there weren’t any, which was the whole point; the Yellow Fairy knew that an EMP in a medieval area wouldn’t do any damage to anything that belonged there, time-period wise. To a giant mecha robot, though, the EMP basically reduced it to a standing metal junk-heap.  “Right,” said the Yellow Fairy, calmly morphing back to her human form. “I think I’ve won, then. You’ll go away now, won’t you?”

No response. “Oh dear,” she said. “He’s teleported out of there. He knows he’s not supposed to do that!”

It looked like the duel was still on. The Yellow Fairy grabbed her wand and prepared to defend against whatever he threw against her. She had to admit, she had escalated things a bit; an EMP bomb, even if harmless to medieval society, was a bit of a step up from a giant robot. Peter Mordred might decide to escalate things further. But then, what could be bigger than an EMP?

Nothing happened for a while. She wondered if he had given up. The Yellow Fairy sighed. “So much for that then,” she said to Perry the bear, little knowing that his real name wasn’t really Perry. “Right, let’s go on back to my cottage then and I’ll get you human in no time-”

The bear suddenly grunted in alarm, and waved towards the sky with his paw. She looked up. There was a strange light there, shining like the stars around it, only it was bigger and brighter than any star she had seen before. Also it was falling, descending down towards the horizon. It grew, its light spilling out in eerie beauty, and suddenly she knew. “That’s no star,” she said in a horrified gasp. “That’s a meteor!”

The meteor streaked down towards the small kingdom, growing very big now, fire streaming out from behind it and lighting the nighttime sky. The Yellow Fairy didn’t see the astonished looks of the Atlantean soldiers on the ships hovering near Shmirmingard Castle, soldiers who now wondered if the inhabitants of this strange land had called down the meteor upon them. She also didn’t see Catrina, still stuck in her icebound wardrobe, staring bleakly at the meteor’s descent and hoping that it would bring a swift death to her. What she saw was that the meteor was easily the size of a small mountain, and if it landed it would destroy her, her village, and half the continent in the bargain. The trouble was, the Yellow Fairy had no idea how to stop it.

This has been another exciting episode of the Catrina Chronicles. For previous episodes, go here. You can also buy a paperback copy of the first year of Catrina stories by going here, and if you like you can enter a Goodreads giveaway and win a free copy of that for yourself by going here.  Thanks for reading!

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  1. You, my friend, are one heck of universe builder.
    Well done.

  2. Uh-oh…that’s a pretty big problem…literally! Curious how she stops it, or if the meteor wins.

  3. For some reason, I kept seeing the Ratchet & Clank game me and the kid used to play when he was younger, EMP’s and all. Brilliant thinking on the Yellow Fairy’s part, by the by, and quite the DUN-DUN-DUUUUUN ending…

    • You think that’s a “DUN DUN DUUUUUN” ending, just wait until you need the Catrina episode for the letter N. 😛

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