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S is for Snowsharknadoes

by on January 1, 2014

Last time in the Catrina Chronicles, our heroine enjoyed a lovely Christmas episode. But before that, she had just struck a deal with her archenemy Susan, in which Susan would help her regain her homeland, in return for which Catrina would help Susan recapture Cthulhu….

“Okay then!” Susan said. “Let’s get after the big guy!”

“Ah, no, I’m afraid we won’t be doing that just yet,” Catrina retorted. “First you help me with Luke, then we go after that squid-headed…thing. If I help you with Cthulhu first, what guarantee will I have that you’ll still help me afterward?”

Susan scoffed. “Works both ways, sister. How do I know you’ll help me with Cthulhu once I help you?”

“Because I’m on the side of good, which means I’ll keep my word. You, on the other hand, would break your promise at the drop of a proverbial hat.”

Susan had to admit that Catrina had a point. She had, in fact, been planning to ditch Catrina the moment Cthulhu was safely locked in ice again. Drat her for figuring that out. “Fine, whatever,” Susan said. “We’ll go after your ex first.”

“So we will.” Catrina’s hand tightened round the handle of Mlrning (the Shovel of Thor!).  “So we will.”


Lightning still crackled round Morgana LeFay’s castle, the weather being as typically stormy as ever. The constant flashes lit up the courtyard and played across the faces of the garden gnomes strewn there. Morgana was inordinately fond of garden gnomes.

Susan and Catrina dropped in from the sky, Catrina holding fast to the Shovel of Thor and Susan holding in her turn to Catrina’s belt. Catrina looked ’round. “I don’t see Ermingard. Or my evil twin. Are you certain they’re here?”

“Yeah,” Susan said. “They got turned into garden gnomes. I doubt they’re going anywhere.”

Catrina looked icily at her nemesis. “Did they. And how, exactly, did that happen?”

“Let’s not bicker and argue over who gnomed who,” Susan said. “Oh, look, I found them.”

Ermingard and Katrina were fairly close by, and looked as gnomish as any other of the gnomes arrayed in the courtyard. Catrina sighed in relief. “Right, so change them back now, please.”

Susan scuffled her feet nervously. “Well. Heh heh. About that….”

Catrina’s eyes narrowed. “Change them back, Susan. I assumed you could.”

“I never said that.”

“You implied!”

Further semantic discussion was interrupted by a sudden trumpet-call of alarm. Lights flared in the castle. Lightning blasted even more violently in the sky. “Oh joy,” Susan said. “Well, we can’t stay here. You’d better blast us out of here with that shovel thing.”

Catrina smiled. “What do you mean, us? This is your problem. You deal with it.”  She raised the Shovel in preparation to blast away.

Susan wasn’t at all sanguine about facing Morgana’s wrath; she felt she could handle the witch, but it would take some doing, and Susan really wasn’t interested. “Fine!” she said in exasperation, pulling the Ugly Stick from a pocket in her jean jumper. “They got turned into gnomes in trade for the Ugly Stick. So if I give the Ugly Stick back…”

“Better hurry,” Catrina observed calmly. “I’m guessing we’ll be under attack in a minute or so.”

Susan smashed the Ugly Stick down hard on the paving stones. There was a flash of sickly green light. The Ugly Stick vanished, and the two garden gnomes went with it. In their place appeared Katrina and Ermingard. Katrina ignited her Sporksaber in a flare of plasma energy. Before she could attack, however, Catrina yelled to the Shovel of Thor to carry them away, and in a sudden blast of wind they all swept into the sky, leaving behind the astounded forces of an extremely upset Morgana LeFay.


The Atlantean sky-ships floated calmly above Kumquat City. Luke stood casually on the bridge of his flagship, the Glorious Porpoise, and looked out over the teeming streets below him. His eye fell on a range of hills just beyond the city. A few small figures had suddenly popped up there. He wondered what they were about. Curious civilians come to take in the sight of the invaders? Luke was just about to order a patrol to investigate when he saw a sudden gleam of white light. Instinctively his hand went to the gopher wood wand at his side. Then he gasped.

White clouds swirled into existence over the ocean, beyond the city and the Atlantean fleet. Snow poured down, and then began to swirl, round and round, in a mighty cylinder of wintry power. It was a veritable snownado, called into existence by Catrina and the Shovel of Thor. Then, as the snownado grew bigger, Susan added her own dark powers to it. Being the former mistress of Character Hell, she had learned a thing or two about sharks.  Sharks were quite amenable to dark magical forces. Now they came from the oceans, jaws wide, teeth gleaming, and were swept up into the roaring snownado, so that it wasn’t just a snownado anymore. It was a snowsharknado. The massive cloud of ice, snow, wind, and sharks lumbered ponderously forward, aiming right for the Atlantean fleet.

Alarm calls shrilled aboard the Atlantean ships, and soldiers ran to their posts. Most of them assumed they’d be retreating on the double.  They’d gotten a bit tired of the invasion anyway; they hadn’t been allowed to do the usual things invading armies got to do, like plunder and pillage, sing their battle songs raucously in the bars of the occupied country, or change the measurement systems of Kumquat City to conform with Atlantean metrics. Mostly they’d been confined to their ships, for reasons the Fleet Command hadn’t bothered to explain. And now a snowsharknado was hurling at them. They wanted to go home. There weren’t any snowsharknadoes in Atlantis, that was certain.

But Luke wasn’t ready to give up yet. He had faith in the power of the gopher wood wand. Luke took aim, and tried to think of all the magic he knew, anything powerful enough to block a snowsharknado. He could think of only one thing. “Nix convexum!” The wand shook in his hand. A massive glass dome flashed down between the ships and the oncoming wintry storm. Then the dome got smaller, really fast, and everything inside with it. In a trice, the entire Atlantean fleet had vanished. The snowsharknado swept harmlessly out to sea.

Meanwhile, in a deserted alley within Kumquat City, a snow globe materialized on the ground. Inside tiny ships floated about, with even tinier Atlanteans gaping at their microscopic prison. Luke sighed. This wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind. He only hoped he could create the spell to reverse it before someone discovered them.

Catrina, on the ridge overlooking the city, wondered what had just happened. She and Susan had sent the snowsharknado hurtling towards their enemy, and then suddenly the enemy wasn’t there anymore. “Well…” she said. “I suppose that problem solved itself then.”

“Yippee,” said Susan. “We can go after Cthulhu now.”

“Ah. Right. Let’s…do that then.”

This has been another exciting episode of the Catrina Chronicles. For previous episodes, go here. For further adventures of Catrina, and other people, on Amazon, go here. Thanks for reading, and Happy New Year!


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  1. Okay, Sharknado is one of my favorite stupid movies (hell yeah SyFy! 😉 so I’m very happy that you managed to incorporate it and make it your own…

    • I’ve actually been meaning to watch Sharknado; I was aware of it but hadn’t gotten around to it. Anticipation makes the heart grow fonder, so to speak. 🙂

  2. The closest I got to watching Sharknado was reading a hilarious review of it, but I would definitely like to see it someday. 😉

    • As would I. I’ve heard great things. …I’m using “great” in the ironic sense of the word, naturally. 😛

  3. I love this, but especially the snowsharknado! I bet cold sharks are even angrier than regular sharks. 😀

  4. My cats don’t walk on leashes – they definitely weren’t happy with that. But they demand that I go with them when they venture down the driveway to the street and go to the grassy area next to our complex. 😛

  5. A snowsharknado sounds terrifying. Now the questions is, “where did they disappear to?”

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