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Wonderful

by on February 4, 2014

This story was written for Trifecta’s weekly prompt, and is another entry in Constance’s Story. To recap, Constance is a former treasure-hunter, who became the guardian angel of newlyweds Amy and Steven after she accidentally caused them to meet each other on Christmas Eve. Shortly after their wedding, however, Amy was killed in a bus accident. Constance tried to resurrect her, but unfortunately Amy came back as a zombie. Steven was a bit upset by this, and told Constance he wished she had left them alone. Constance granted his wish, and things went very badly indeed….

“Constance,” Steven said quietly, “why is my wife a kaiju? I wished you had left us alone. I do not remember wishing for Amy to become a kaiju.”

Constance shrugged. “Look, buddy, it’s chain of causality here. You met Amy because I accidentally on purpose pushed Amy into you. Without me, you two never met. Amy never gave your charity money, so she turned evil, fell in a chemical vat, boom, kaiju.”

“That’s a lie!” Steven shouted. “Amy met me, she donated a thousand dollars to my Salvation Army kettle, we gave a dozen homeless people the means to start their own florists’ shop!”

“Every florist in that shop is out of work now. Amy didn’t help them, because you didn’t meet Amy!  Strange, isn’t it, how one man’s life-”

“Oh, shut up,” Steven interrupted as sirens blared around him and his kaiju wife stamped through the wreck of the library and headed for the train station . “Tell me something, angel, what gives you the right to manipulate me like that? You undid our whole lives. Who said you could?”

Constance had never questioned her authority as an angel to do that sort of thing. She’d just assumed. The movies said she could. The movies wouldn’t lie, right?  But she couldn’t exactly tell Steven that she’d altered reality based on a Hollywood film. So she fired up her shoulder glow and gave her halo a quick polish. “God,” she said as impressively as she could. “Duh.”

“I’m no theology expert,” Steven said, “but I don’t think God lets angels resurrect people’s spouses and turn them into kaiju.”

The angel was about to object when they heard a sudden loud boom. Jet engines roared overhead. “Oh, hey,” Constance said. “I think the military just arrived.”

Boom. Clinka-clinka-clinka. KA-FLAM.

“And they have robots. Giant robots. With plasma cannons.”

“Great,” Steven said, face-palming. “My wife’s a kaiju, and now the military robots are going to explode her. This is not my day.”

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10 Comments
  1. The angel’s thoughts = best part of your story! 😀

  2. Glad to see you back on this particular role. Constance is a gem. ‘God. Duh.’ < 3
    I really loved her firing up her shoulder glow, too.
    I have to say, though, I'm not the slightest bit interested in looking up 'kaiju'. *shiver*

    • The shoulder glow I got from Touched by an Angel. Whenever they went into their “I’m an angel and God loves you” mode, there was always this light that lit up over their shoulder…

  3. I hope Constance was a better treasure-hunter 🙂 Messing with the dead (apparently) has dire consequences.

    • Well, she did get killed the last time she went treasure-hunting, so……yeah. 😛

  4. Ha!ha!Love the underlying humour!Enjoying the continuing mayhem created by this Angel 😉

  5. Lyssa Medana permalink

    I loved this, the humour is brilliant and the description is so supportive of the narrative LM x

  6. As far as angels go, Constance is not terribly angelic–which makes her a fun character to read about. Love her attitude.

    • She’s still new at the job, of course, so there’s a bit of a learning curve…. 🙂

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