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Lover’s Quarrel

by on March 9, 2014

Constance had faced a lot of problems in her life, before she had become an angel. She had fought a velociraptor spirit in North Dakota while suffering from a vicious hangover. She had broken into more secret warehouses than she could count, battled her way past hundreds of hapless security guards employed by Top Men. But she had never, ever expected that she would have to fight her loathsome squid ex-boyfriend Ben, who had apparently managed to become the Antichrist. Her one consolation was that her father had been wrong. Walter Magenta had sworn (ironically, “on a stack of Bibles!”) that Ben would never amount to anything. “Shows what you know, Dad,” she muttered.

“Excuse me?” Ben snapped. “I didn’t become the freakin’ Antichrist to listen to your daddy issues.”

This insult focused Constance’s mind wonderfully on the problem. She tuned out the sirens and the monster stomping around in the background, and the military planes shrieking overhead, and tried to work out how she was going to defeat her ex-boyfriend. As no idea sprang to mind, she did the only thing she could do. Stall.

“So, what exactly did you become the Antichrist to do? I mean, what’s your evil plan here?”

“You’re serious?” Ben said. “Where were you in Sunday School?”

“I was reading stories about the Baby Jesus in the manger,” Constance answered primly. (In fact, she had been sitting in the back, doodling pirate ships on the church bulletin, but she wasn’t about to tell him that).

“Right, well…” Ben said. “I’m going to do what the Antichrist is supposed to do. Force a loyalty mark on everyone, decapitate some people, take over the United Nations….”

“The UN? And then what, you’re going to pass some strongly worded resolutions?”

“You know nothing about prophecy,” Ben snapped. “I’m the Antichrist! First the UN, then tomorrow, THE WORLD! It’s all been part of my plan from the beginning!”

Suddenly Constance had a wild idea. He was monologuing. He wasn’t paying attention behind him. If she could only keep him doing it a little longer….

“What do you mean, it’s all been part of your plan, exactly?”

Ben smiled. “All of it. Amy, and everything. I was behind it all.”

“You don’t mean…”
”Oh yes. I pushed Amy in front of that bus. She wasn’t actually supposed to die. I killed her off prematurely.  Because I knew you. I said as much to my minions. It would be so easy. And I was right! I manipulated you into trying to resurrect her, and then making a mess of it, and then BOOM. End of the world.”

“You’re right,” Constance said. “you totally manipulated me. But you forgot about one little thing.”

“And what would that be?”

“You forgot to look behind you.”

“Ha!” Ben laughed. “You really are a naïve little-”

*ROOOOOAR*.

Ben froze, and slowly turned around. “What…is…”

“That?” Constance smiled. “That’s Amy. She’s a kaiju now, remember? I didn’t study my prophecy, yeah, but you know what? I’m pretty sure kaiju beats Antichrist.”

Ben didn’t have time to scream. There was a resounding *WHUMP*, and a squishing noise, and suddenly a white flash, and all at once the kaiju and the Antichrist and the devastation had vanished. It was a bright spring day in the city.

Constance looked wildly around. There Steven and Amy stood, blinking in confusion on the corner. Amy was no longer a kaiju; she was her ordinary human self. Constance laughed in a sudden explosion of mirth. “They’re alive! THEY’RE ALIVE! I’m the best guardian angel EVER!”

She was in the mood to celebrate, and vaguely recalled from Sunday School that there were verses about angels dancing and singing. Constance couldn’t remember what was on the angelic song list, and she didn’t speak Latin anyway, so she decided to go old school. She snapped her fingers, and in a display of angelic power, a disco ball materialized over the street. A heavenly  choir rushed into position. “Everybody!” Constance said happily. “Stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive, ah ah ah ah stayin’ aliiiiii-iiiii-iiiii-ve….”

***

This story was my response to the Speakeasy writing prompt, in which I haven’t participated before. So this should be an interesting experience!  The prompt was to use the sentence, ““It would be so easy,” somewhere in the piece, and also to include a reference to the Bee Gees song, “Staying Alive.”  Also, this is not the first story involving Constance. It’s part of a serial, “Constance’s Story“, which explains how Constance became an angel, where Amy came from, and who Ben is. I figured this would be an appropriate conclusion. You can’t go wrong with the Bee Gees.

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27 Comments
  1. Nothing says “celebration” quite like a disco! Amazing how that gnarled up mess ended up a-okay…lucky Constance 🙂

  2. Martha B permalink

    What a fun story. Your dialogue skills are really strong. I enjoyed this piece!

  3. That was epic! A fantastical tale, and the ending, simply perfect. 🙂

    • Disco balls make any ending better. It’s a shame there aren’t more stories ending that way.

  4. I like the name Constance – will have to use it some time. Ta!

  5. You have to love an angel singing disco!

  6. I LOVE this! Seriously. I have no idea how you’ve managed to join a story half way through, introduce multiple quirky, surreal elements and still have it all make perfect sense. Very nice job. I’m off to read more!

    • Thanks! Quirky and surreal is the style I was going for; my favorite author is Douglas Adams, and he was a master at that.

      • Yes! I’m a big Douglas Adams fan, although I haven’t read the Hitchhiker’s books in years. Still, I should have guessed you were a frood. 😉

  7. “There was a resounding *WHUMP* and a squishing noise” – best vanquishing scene description ever! I love that Constance managed to outwit her loathsome ex-boyfriend. And I love the aside about her father at the beginning. And of course, the dance scene ending is perfect! Wish I could materialize a disco ball at will… I’m so glad you joined us at the speakeasy! 🙂

  8. Very fun ending!

  9. I am going to have to come back and read more about Constance 🙂

    • This definitely isn’t her only adventure. And it probably won’t be her last either. 😀

  10. I like to imagine someone just bopping around the internet, looking for some fiction blog to enjoy, and finding this particular piece without knowing any of the backstory 🙂 I’m 99% certain they’d go back and read the buildup (the other 1% are stick-in-the-mud types) to this confrontation.

  11. Hahaha, this is hilarious!!!! I love so much of it, but maybe the best part is when the evil genius distracts himself with his monologue. Fatal flaw, my friend! This makes up for all those movies where the evil genius gets to babble on and on…

    • The Incredibles made a point of how the villains always monologue, to the extent that the heroes were starting to catch on. Best superhero movie ever.

  12. Haha this was totally cute and hilarious! Just another day as a guardian angel eh? Loved the ending!

    • I watched a fair bit of Touched by an Angel as a kid. I think I may have been influenced a bit. 🙂

  13. Welcome and wow! What an amazing story. If I didn’t have a thing about overusing the word “epic,” I’d use it here. You definitely picked a great segment to use here and I’d love to read more about Constance. What a great character. I could just see her as a little kid at the back of Sunday School – not studying baby Jesus. Amazing how a few words can add so much depth.

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