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The Confrontation

by on January 7, 2015

For Mr. Stamper, being marched down a corridor by uniformed guards who intended him harm was just another minor setback in his career. He’d come to expect it. Indeed, he was mentally critiquing the guards’ performance. They weren’t checking side corridors they passed, for instance. Very bad form. Mr. Stamper might’ve had allies waiting to spring a trap. The guards clearly were not expecting a rescue attempt. Mr. Stamper had been in charge of prisoners once, and he knew that you always expected a rescue attempt.

His companion, squidling waitress Sarah May Raxenpaxerflirk, was somewhat less resigned to her situation. She gurgled in a state approaching panic as the guards marched her and Mr. Stamper along. She was going to be in so much trouble. They’d fire her from the Lady Amber for sure. And then, without a good reference, without funds to pay application fees, she’d never get into medical school. Then it occurred to Sarah May that if the guards shot her, as seemed very likely, she wouldn’t need to worry about medical school applications anyway. That wasn’t exactly comforting.

The guards halted at an open metal door. A tall uniformed rat-minion appeared. “Ah, yes,” he said stuffily. “Prisoners to see the Baron. Broke into the Shadow Vault, did you? The Baron is not pleased. Not at all.”

“Who is he, then?” Mr. Stamper asked.

The rat spluttered indignantly. “You don’t know? How could you not know? He’s famous across nine systems! The idea!” Somehow he gathered himself together, and gestured them forward into the office. The prisoners saw a glimpse of a large desk which dominated the room, and a small felinoid alien which sat at the desk. The rat bowed deeply. “May I present the most terrible Baron Frederick von Fluffingfluff, Admiral of the Charlotte’s Moon, Ravager of the Fourth Nebula, Defender of the Nightmare Comet Incursion.”

“Ooh, kitty!” Sarah May said, before she could stop herself.

“Ooh, kitty?” repeated the Baron in a mortally offended squeak. “I am Baron von Fluffingfluff. I carry the sword of my fathers. I can have you and your thieving companion thrown into the thermal reactor of this ship and vaporized! I am not kitty!” 

Mr. Stamper tried to salvage the situation. “Milord, we apologize for the offense. We never meant to cause trouble. We were simply trying to get back to the gaming tables, and became lost.”

“Lost, you say? A likely story,” rumbled the Baron. At least he tried to rumble; his voice just couldn’t hit that low register. Sarah May made a hysterical giggle.

The Baron rose up in wrath. “That is it. I will not be insulted by prisoner scum. Guards! Take them to the reactor, and let them burn!” 

As the guards whisked him and the terrifying Sarah May out of the room, Mr. Stamper wished devoutly that the galaxy had a few more species like her and less like Earth pets. No one ever giggled at a squid.

This story is part of an ongoing series, which you can find here. Thanks for reading! 

  1. Meg permalink

    Heeeee! “Oh, a kitty!” I’m picturing the baron much like my cat Kobe, who is a bit like David Niven. Nice to see a new character. Looking forward to more, though Mr. Stamper best not be vaporized.

  2. I loved the first line, and the whole story kept me interested. Well done!

  3. Every time I think that you’ve come up with my favorite character name, you deliver something like Baron Frederick von Fluffingfluff, and I laugh so hard it takes me like a full minute to read on…

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