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Technicalities

by on May 15, 2015

Gaseous Girl hated time things, She was also coming to hate hell things. All she wanted to do was save her evil twin and, in doing so, restore the universe, and now, because of that, she was stuck in a stone beehive-shaped tomb. It wasn’t fair.

Madeleine wasn’t the type to obsess over it, though. The immediate question was how to get out. She tried flame-blasting the rock open. It didn’t work. She tried again. Still no luck. Then she faced a new problem. Flame consumed air, and there wasn’t all that much air inside her prison to be going on with. Madeleine had been trying hard not to think about whether she was alive, or dead, or somewhere in between, and what that would mean if she got killed in hell. As the air grew thinner, Madeleine realized she might just have to think about it.

Then, a ghostly thin voice echoed in the stone chamber. “Have you repented of your heresy?” it said somberly.

“What heresy was that, exactly?”

“The heresy for which you were condemned here, in eternal torture…” the voice said.

“And that was what?” Madeleine pressed.

“Do you truly not comprehend the way in which you have departed from the light of truth?”

Madeleine sighed.  “Look, thing is, I’m only here because those stupid centaurs that arrested me couldn’t think of a better place to stick me, okay? I was on my way out of this place, trying to save the universe. I wasn’t committing any heresy or anything like that. I mean, yeah, I haven’t been to confession in a while, but there was the Green Glass Bandit to deal with, and then the Near-Apocalypse of ’11, and Father Milo said he understood, and-

The disembodied voice actually seemed shocked. “But… but this infernal circle is reserved only for those who have committed heresy in life. those who forever face the consequences of their sinful departure from-”

Madeleine’s eyebrows shot up. You could only just see her eyebrows, lit by the red light of the flames of hell that played across the beehive walls. “Wait, wait, hold up. So, if you haven’t committed heresy, you shouldn’t be here. And I haven’t. Therefore…”

She still couldn’t see whoever was speaking, but she could almost hear the wince in the voice, as it realized it had let the proverbial cat out of the bag. It hemmed and hawed for a bit, but finally, it gave up. “Very well. Since you do not appear to have committed heresy, you cannot be committed in this prison. You are free to go. But I will be making inquiries of this with the centaurs in Circle Seven. And be sure to reflect upon your own sins, whatever they may be!”

“Yeah, yeah, so’s your mother,” Madeleine said. A crack appeared in the wall, and it opened wide. Madeleine shot out into the red light of hell. Then she looked around. “Okay, where’s the evil me?”

The voice, now a bit louder, sniggered. “Apparently, she behaved in a wrathful manner towards the centaurs. She was sent on up to Circle Five, to be eternally plunged in the River Styx.”

Madeleine rolled her eyes. “Wonderful. At least it’s one circle closer to the exit. Honestly, I really do hate this place.”

“It’s hell,” said the voice, as Madeleine rose into the sky. “You were expecting what, exactly?”

“Good point.”

This was written for the Mutant 750 prompt at Grammar Ghoul Press. For previous adventures of Gaseous Girl and her reverse-Dante trip through hell, go here. And thanks for reading!

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2 Comments
  1. These just keep getting better & better. Thanks for another enjoyable read!

  2. Another wonderful piece! I love the snarky attitude; it just gives me so much joy!

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