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A Plea

by on May 24, 2015

To:  Wild Wombat, Fortress Death, Room Three.

Dear Sir: I really must protest.

You had no right to kidnap Lady Sal.

You see, dear sir, she is an indoors cat

And she has not been fed since nine o’clock.

I would have fed her, but I did not know

That you would pick my street in which to test

Your Mega-Teleporting Ray, Mark Two.

The ray, I must add, missed her litter box

And Lady Sal will need to use it soon.

She always has to go when she gets stressed .

And teleporting stresses her so much.

I know you’re evil, Mister Wombat, sir;

I hope that you are not ill-mannered, too.

Last Tuesday, Captain Shiny broke my car.

He said there was a missile coming down.

He used my car to stop the missile, and it worked.

The plan, that is; my car was, sadly, toast.

So this has not exactly been my week.

And now, you see, you’ve gone and made it worse.

Please, oh please, return my Lady Sal.

Sincerely, Sarah Anastasia Barnes

P.S. What’s with the cape? Capes are passé.

This is an attempt at blank verse for yeah write’s monthly poetry slam. I thought about covering the traditional subjects of poetry like summer days, lost love, and so forth, but I like supervillain poetry better. It’s fun.

EDIT: I have changed the poem somewhat since I first posted, in hopes of achieving proper iambic pentameter.

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10 Comments
  1. Haha! There is a very fine line between evil and rude, it’s true. It’s hilarious that someone who lives in “Fortress Death” would concoct a scheme to steal a cat. I love it, and your penchant for space rodents (or are wombats marsupials?). It’s not quite blank verse; the iambic you’ve established would need to be reset into a consistent pattern of feet per line to make it blank.

  2. Jennifer G. Knoblock permalink

    The details build to a wonderful sense of ridiculous, which the blank verse (such a majestic type) reinforces. Of course teleporting stresses the poor cat!

    • I’d be stressed too, honestly. I’ve seen and read enough about teleporter malfunctions to give me the willies.

      • Jennifer G. Knoblock permalink

        Even so, I definitely want to know when the Mega-Teleporting Ray is available for general use. 🙂

  3. I’m delighted by the details in this piece! The fact that Sarah knows precisely which room at Fortress Death Mr Wombat occupies, is wonderful. Though I do feel immensely sorry for Lady Sal and her lack of litter tray… I am equally gastro-intestinally challenged when under stress, so I feel her pain.

    And on the cape issue, well, to quote Edna Mode, “no cape!”

    • Edna Mode is certainly the authority on these matters. 🙂

      My mental image of Fortress Death is that it’s sort of like a downtown office building or a government place, where various supervillains have offices and assigned parking spaces and so forth. A bit low-key, but practical.

      • Hah! That’s even more glorious. Evil is a bureaucracy!

  4. I love the formality of the plea and the way Sarah is so concerned for her cat when, frankly, I’d be more worried about what other dastardly deeds Wild Wombat is up to.

    • I might too, but then, I have a cat of my own, who’s elderly and probably is not long for this Earth, and I would be very concerned if he were teleported. So I can understand Sarah’s feelings.

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