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Feelings and Bunnies

by on June 25, 2015

Wendell hated his job. He had replaced the giant snake who had last held the post, and he naively believed he would command the same respect. He was wrong. When the latest entrant came before him, and Wendell made six solemn hops to indicate the proper destination, the new arrival actually burst out laughing. Wendell snarled, and waved his paw. The newly deceased soul’s laughter was cut short as it descended into hell. Wendell watched it go, feeling glum. Always the laughter. Always.

In the distance he could hear the eternal howling of the winds of Circle Two. Wendell shivered. He was quite safe, he knew, here in the pleasantly bland fields of Circle One. Circle One was where people went who weren’t really good or bad, who drifted through life benignly neutral. You had to get to Circle Two before you ran into the types who were really messed up. And every one of them passed by Wendell, the giant fluffy bunny who dispatched them all to their proper places in the lower regions. No one had ever come back, which was fine with Wendell.

Then, he gasped in astonishment. Someone, a woman in a purple and black uniform, had just flown out of the windstorm. No one ever got free of the windstorm. Wendell had been at his post for two centuries. He was professionally indignant. Then his indignation rose to fever pitch when a second person flew out, another woman in purple and black. Worse, she was dragging yet a third out with her, a man this time. Wendell bounded towards them, his eyes blazing in fury. “Hey! Hey you!” he bellowed. “Get back in there!”

All three had landed on the grass, scuffing up the terrain with their boots. The guy looked stunned, so much so that he ignored the oncoming bunny. “So, Maddie,” he said. “Didn’t expect to see you here.” He looked between the two identical Madeleines. “Didn’t know you were a twin, either.”

“I’m not a twin, Evan,” Madeleine Prime said. “That’s the evil me. Long story.”

“I’ve got time,” Evan said, bitterness in his voice. “Lots of time.”

Another pause ensued. Wendell approached. “All three of you, back inside, right-”

Madeleine casually seized the bunny and hurled him like a football away towards the castle. He landed with a distant thud and a yelp. She ignored him. “Yours is probably shorter. How’d you get down here?”

“The hard way. Plague. Caught it from Lizzie.”

“Figured that might be it,” Madeleine said, and suddenly her face twisted with pain. “God, Evan, I liked you. All through high school. And then you went and…” She couldn’t go on.

“Paid for it, didn’t I?” Evan said. “Learned that life lesson. Turns out Lizzie was secretly working with East Plaznik chemical weapons suppliers. They’re fighting a war with West Plaznik. She stole some weapon for them, and needed to test it. Lizzie asked me to help rinse the dishes. I guess I should’ve said no.”

“Ah,” Madeleine said. “Should’ve stayed with me.”


She felt guilty about that. She’d gotten her heart broken that Christmas, but Evan had wound up down here. Madeleine didn’t really want to emphasize the point. Especially since…

“Evan,” she said, “I can’t stay. I’ve got to break out of hell, save the universe.”

“When did you become a superhero?” Evan said.

“After Christmas. Long story.”

“Right. No time. I don’t suppose you can take me with you?”

He’d asked, not really expected her to say yes. She wanted to say yes. But there were rules. The iron realities of hell could not be trifled with. “I’m sorry,” Madeleine said. Her eyes burned, but she didn’t cry. She only blinked, very hard.

“Hey, that stupid bunny’s comin’ back,” Evil Madeleine said. “Want me to flame him?” She sounded hopeful.

Madeleine Prime sighed. “No. You can’t flame the stupid bunny. Let’s just get out of here.”

“Maddie-” Evan began.

Gaseous Girl kicked off into the sky. She didn’t look back. Evil Madeleine shrugged. “Hey, in my world, I cheated on you. And Lizzie was super nice. At least until I broke New Mexico. She got super upset about that. Dunno why. See ya!”

They both flew away into Circle One. Madeleine Prime still wasn’t crying. She just wanted to get out. Focus on that, she thought. Then she wouldn’t have to think about anything else. Especially not about Evan.

This story is part of the ongoing adventures of Gaseous Girl, and was written for the Mutant 750 challenge at Grammar Ghoul Press. Thanks for reading!

  1. There was a surprising amount of heart in this, which is difficult to achieve with such a peculiar premise. Thank you.

    • You’re quite welcome. I did hope it wasn’t too maudlin, or at least that any maudlinness (maudlinity?) would be offset by the bunny Wendell replacing Minos.

  2. Love Wendell the bunny! And as if dealing with exes weren’t complicated enough without the whole hell element… Poor Madeleine Prime.

    • Hell can certainly put a damper on any relationship, let alone involvement with one’s exes. 🙂

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