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My Brother the Pirate

by on June 30, 2015

Isle Turtledove had a problem. Lady Eulalie had been flamed. Prince Evinrude was apparently handling the vengeance situation, but he hadn’t yet reported back on how that was going. Worse, however, was that Isle Turtledove didn’t just have an incinerated noblewoman: it had a succession crisis. Someone had to inherit the title. Lady Eulalie’s family supported the livelihoods of a good many Turtledovians. Without her, they didn’t get paid, and that was problematic in the extreme.

A candidate for the title promptly presented himself. He was Lord Basil, from the rival House Burnham, the only other noble family on Isle Turtledove. He had nearly married Eulalie, but instead had romantically eloped with a scullery maid whose foot had fit into a magic glass slipper. Eulalie hadn’t got her foot in, and had been deeply offended. Basil now argued that since he was the only aristocrat left on the Island, he might as well inherit Eulalie’s estate by default. This seemed reasonable to everyone, and it was nearly settled. Then, one moonlit night, the Terrible Connelly emerged.

Basil had been meeting with his family’s solicitor in his library when suddenly the door banged open. Servants skittered out of the way as the Terrible Connelly stalked through. His boots squelched on the carpet, and he was actually dripping. Had he literally come in right out of the rain? Basil would have protested, but the Terrible Connelly was carrying a very big sword, and had a rakish look in his eye, all of which suggested pirate in Basil’s brain. “How the devil did you-”

“Ah, stuff it,” the Terrible Connelly said tiredly. “I didn’t murder m’ way in, if that’s what yer whinin’ about. I ‘ad a card.”


“Right. ” He presented it. It was a scrawl on a dirty square of paper, but sure enough Basil could just make out the word Miles, followed by The Terrible Connelly. Basil had naturally heard of the notorious raider, and was even more alarmed. Then Miles surprised him. “I’m Eulalie’s ‘alf-brother, y’ see. I’ve come for th’ title.”

“You’re her half-brother,” Basil said. “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m finding it very hard to believe that Lady Eulalie was related to a…a…” He wasn’t sure if pirate was a derogatory term, and didn’t want to insult someone who used a violent epithet on their own business card. “An adventure capitalist.”

“Well, she was,” Miles said. “Her mum, y’ see. Before she married wot’s his name. She ‘ad me by Rudy the Unkind, and then Rudy went and died and left me ‘is ship and everythin’.”

“Rudy the Unkind?”

Miles shrugged. “Can’t all be Blackbeard.”

“Ah. So… you’re claiming the title. What on earth for?”

The Terrible Connelly looked around at the library, with its towering shelves loaded with books. “Piratin’ isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Can’t exactly make friends. I’ve got me mateys on the crew an’ all, but, comes a time, I want to settle down. Start a family, like. And this little island looks right nice and proper.”

“But…” gasped Basil, whose dreams of complete lordship over the island were disappearing fast. “But… what about Evinrude?”

“Wot about ‘im?” said the Terrible Connelly. “I don’t know any Evinrude.”

“He’s the Prince,” Basil said stuffily. “And he’s gone off to slay the dragon that murdered your, ah, half-sister.”

“Nice of ‘im. Obligin’, like. But I don’t see-”

Basil suddenly had an idea. “Shouldn’t you be going to help? She’s your sister; don’t you want to get vengeance for her tragic murder?”

The Terrible Connelly didn’t have an abundance of formal education, but he wasn’t stupid. “And if the bloomin’ dragon flames me, that leaves you to go after the title, don’t it?”

“Well, ah, of course I hadn’t the slightest-”

“‘Course you did. But still, I can’t say as you’re wrong. Didn’t know my sister, but Mum would be right upset knowin’ she got flamed. Might as well go after Evinrude and ‘elp.”

“Good for you,” Basil said.

Miles turned towards the door, then paused and looked back. “I will be comin’ back for the title, y’know.”  Then the pirate disappeared into the corridor and on into the rain outside, leaving Basil quite terrified behind.

  1. Interesting story. I liked it very much.

  2. Christine permalink

    Ooo! This is getting more and more convoluted! Love your characters.

    • I’m probably going to need to make a chart and map all these guys out here shortly. 🙂

      • Christine permalink

        HA! Rowan and I just sat down and did something like that with a thing we are writing together. Timelines FTW!

  3. I’m starting to root against Basil. There seem to be so many worthier candidates for king/queen of the realm.

    • I’m on Team Connelly, myself. That or Team Evinrude, if he ever gets back from the vengeance business.

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