Skip to content

Looking For a Soul to Steal

by on July 9, 2015

It was Madeleine against all the forces of hell, and she almost liked her chances. Sure, all she had was her own flammable superpowers and a pencil, but she was Gaseous Girl, and she’d been through worse. When one knew the plural of apocalypse, and had occasion to use it, one tended to be accepting of these things. She’d lived through the Crisis of ’09, after all, with the bad-tempered kaiju and the acid tsunamis.

“You gonna help, or what?” she asked her evil twin as she prepared to hurl her pencil at a long-legged beastie on the far bank of the river Acheron.

“No, duh,” the other Madeleine said. “Why would I help you? I’m, y’know, evil. I force-fed highly intoxicating substances to seabirds. You know what they say, leave no tern unstoned.”

“I hate you,” Madeleine said. One or two of the monsters across the river let forth with fiendish giggles. “Fine, whatever, I’ll fight the armies of hell all by myself.”

Evil Madeleine produced a kazoo from her own utility belt. (Why she had a kazoo was an open question, to which Madeleine Prime never knew the answer). She then burst into off-key song, “All byyyy myyyself…. don’t wanna be all byyy myself, anymooore…”

“Shut up, will you? I’m trying to-”  Then Gaseous Girl had an idea. She turned and yelled back to the assembled demons, monsters, goblins, and the like, “Any of you know where the Big Guy is?”

There was a long pause. Evidently they had expected her to commence fighting, not ask a question. Then, a tentacled slimy Thing emerged from the crowd. “If you mean Our Father Below…” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve read Screwtape, that’s the guy. I want to talk to him.”

The Thing walked, or stumbled, back to its confederates, where it held a brief conference. Then it came back. “He will be summoned.” 

“Peachy,” Madeleine said.

The army settled in to wait. Madeleine wished she had a snack. In her current never-been-born state, she technically didn’t need to eat, but still, it could have occupied the time. She rummaged in her utility belt. Madeleine’s search turned up a fork, a spoon, and a moldy biscuit, but that was hardly satisfactory. She sighed. She’d had the worst luck lately.

Then Evil Madeleine spoke. “I am here.”

“Well, yeah, I know you’re there, why-” Then Madeleine noticed that her evil twin’s eyes were glowing red. “Ah. Lovely. You got yourself possessed.”

“So,” Eviler Madeleine said. The voice sounded exactly like Madeleine’s own, except with an undercurrent of sinister creeping evil that sent shivers up Madeleine’s spine. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah,” Madeleine Prime said, gathering herself together. “Okay, here’s the deal. I know the song, okay? You challenged some guy to a fiddle contest. So, you’re up for challenges. I’ve got one. If I win, you let her go and let us both out of here, with zero negative consequences. If you win…well, the usual.”

“I get your soul,” Eviler Madeleine said.

Madeleine Prime had a feeling that Father Milo in St. Expeditus, the church she infrequently attended, would be somewhat alarmed at what she was doing. Assuming she survived, she’d have to do some serious penance. “Yeah. Sure. Incidentally, can I get Evan out too?”

“He is already dead.”


“Very well. Evan will be restored.”

“Great. So let’s do this. I can’t actually play the fiddle, so maybe the classics. Chess? Cards? Yahtzee? We could go 21st century and play Trivia Crack….”

“Actually,” said Eviler Madeleine, “I propose a test of strength.”


“We fight. Winner is whoever’s left standing.”

Gaseous Girl had a feeling that it would’ve come to this. “Fine. You want to dance that way? Let’s dance.”

The two Gaseous Girls hurled themselves at each other, in a storm of flame and fury.

  1. Ooooh! I cannot wait to see how this turns out. 🙂 Well done!

    • I’m wondering how it will end myself. I seem to have placed my heroine in an impossible situation. 🙂

  2. This is by far my favorite Gaseous Girls tale. I could almost hear the fiddles playing in the background for the big battle.

  3. “Yeah, I’ve read Screwtape.” I would have laughed at that harder had I not still been singing “all by myself” out loud…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Breathe Dry Bones

Welcome to my world.

Fr. Matthew P. Schneider, LC

Priest, Religious, Moral Theologian, Autistic, Writer, Social Media Guru, etc.

You've Been Hooked!

Observations from the trenches....


The road to the forum is paved with good intentions.

Laissez Faire

Letting Life Lead

Delight Through Logical Misery

Taking the sayings,thoughts and themes that make us happy and ruining them with science and logic and then might come from that. Or at least some sort of smugness that's very similiar.


frightfully wondrous things happen here.

It's Not About A Church

It's about following Jesus ...

that cynking feeling

You know the one I'm talking about . . .

The History of Love

Romantic relationships 1660–1837

polysyllabic profundities

Random thoughts with sporadically profound meaning


Book reviews and general nonsense

Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings

You say you want an evolution...

%d bloggers like this: