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Observations on a Country Song

by on September 5, 2016

The song is “Before He Cheats“, by Carrie Underwood.

  1. I note the frequent use of “probably”. As in, the gentleman in the song is “probably” slow-dancing with a bleached-blond tramp, he’s “probably” buying said BBT a fruity little drink as she can’t shoot whiskey, etc.  Is the singer entirely certain of her facts? Given the drastic action she undertakes, I hope so. Especially as this will almost certainly expose her to legal liability.
  2. Is the pool stick literal or some sort of odd metaphor?
  3. The singer seems certain, again, that both the guy and the BBT are pool players.
  4. Professor Harold Hill could certainly advise the singer on the dangers of pool. (See “Ya Got Trouble“).
  5. Unfortunately, the singer takes dramatic action based on her assumptions about what her cheating boyfriend is doing.
  6. She just keyed one side? Not both sides?  Which side of the four-wheel-drive did she key?
  7. I like the fact that she went to the trouble to specify the specific brand name of the bat she used. The singer did not use a plain baseball bat such as you might buy from Wal-Mart. No, she used a Louisville Slugger.
  8. Also, she got the pronunciation of Louisville reasonably correct. I can personally attest that Loo-ey-ville is a good way to say it, although many locals use “Loo-ah-vul” or even “Luhvul.”
  9. Under no circumstances can you say Lewisville.
  10. That’s just not cool.
  11. It seems a particularly bad idea for the singer to carve her own name into the seats of the car.
  12. How did she get in, anyway?
  13. Does she have a key?
  14. Fellas, if you’re going to cheat, make sure you get your keys back from your ex.
  15. Or, you know, don’t cheat.
  16. Anyway, why did the singer feel the name to personally autograph her vandalism?
  17. In the legal world, that’s what we refer to as evidence.
  18. Sadly, cheatin’ on your girlfriend is not legally actionable.
  19. Smashing headlights, slashing tires, keying the side of a car, and knifing your name into the leather seats, alas, is.
  20. I’m not sure what backroom Polo is, but it doesn’t sound hygenic. 
  21. I have no observations on the quality of Shania Twain’s music.I have never, myself, performed karaoke. Not of Shania, anyway.
  22. I did do “The Cheeseburger Song” from VeggieTales once. It was well received.
  23. In conclusion, what I learned from this song is: don’t cheat, and if you get cheated on, don’t vandalize the cheater’s car, and if you do that, don’t sign your name to it like you’re Banksy.


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  1. All points which I have pondered every time I’ve been forced to listen to the song. Except I’m still fuzzy on what VeggieTales is.

    • I find Wikipedia says it best: “VeggieTales is an American series of children’s computer animated films featuring anthropomorphic fruits and vegetables in stories conveying moral themes based on Christianity. The episodes frequently retell and recreate Bible stories anachronistically reframed and include humorous references to pop culture.”

      For example, in the original text, King David sleeps with Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, and then engineers Uriah’s death in battle, whereupon the prophet Nathan confronts him in dramatic “Thus saith the Lord” fashion. David’s house is cursed from then on, as one son dies, and another son attempts a rebellion against his father but fails and dies himself.
      In VeggieTales, King George (played by Larry the Cucumber) steals the rubber duck of Junior Asparagus and engineers Junior’s getting hit and dazed by a pie. The prophet Pa Grape confronts him with a dramatic flannelgraph. Junior recovers and everyone sings a song about not being selfish.

      Same difference, really.

  2. Overall, an excellent review. #11 was my first reaction to this song, but your extended comments only improve upon it. However, I can verify that singing it at karaoke is quite cathartic. 🙂

    • I enjoyed singing it myself; it’s quite catchy. I just couldn’t stop my lawyer brain from analyzing it. 🙂

      • Yeah, I hear you; just imagine how my social scientist brain reacts. Must analyze all the things! 🙂

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