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Train Rescue

by on May 6, 2017

“Will you just hold still?” growled the Malevolent Med-Student.

“Er, no,” Jennifer said. “I’d rather not, honestly. And once again, I really have to protest. Tying me to a train track is clearly a violation of”-

‘Yes, yes, I know,” the Malevolent Med-Student interrupted. “It’s cliche. It’s been done. Why don’t I murder you in an original way. Can’t I drop you into a pit of radioactive ferrets. I know. But look, the trouble is, my minion got herself captured and locked in an institution, and now she’s receiving therapy and resolving her deep-rooted personal issues for all I know, and meanwhile here I am trying to practice supervillainy without an assistant. I don’t have time for an original death. Train tracks will have to do.”

Jennifer blinked. “That…was not my complaint. I don’t want you to murder me in an original way.  I’d really prefer-”

“At last,” the Malevolent Med-Student said, “someone who appreciates the classics.”  He glanced at his watch. “The 11:15 should be along shortly. I’d expect someone to rescue you about thirty seconds before the train hits. They’re always so punctual.”

11:15 came and 11;15 went. No train appeared. Jennifer felt hopeful. “Well, doesn’t look like anyone’s coming. Can you untie me now?”

The Malevolent Med-Student stabbed furiously at his phone. “Blasted search engine, can’t get a signal worth a damn out here…”  He swore again. “There should’ve been a train! Where did the blasted thing go?”

“Perhaps it was held up at the station?” Jennifer suggested.

“Indeed it was!” boomed a new voice. “Held up by justice!”

“Oh, Lord,” the Malevolent Med-Student said, seconds before a white-gloved fist slammed into his head and sent him spinning like a top into a nearby clump of bushes.

“Hey there, citizen!” said the Captain exultantly.

“You can lower your voice now, dear,” said his wife, who had just pulled up behind him. She gestured, and a white soccer ball floated over to Jennifer, produced a tiny laser, and began neatly cutting Jennifer loose. “The supervillain’s unconscious; everything’s secure.”

“Right,” said the Captain. “Well, that was easy. Should I pick up some milk on the way home?”

“Would you? We’re almost out. Oh, and a jar of pickles. And a lemon.”

“Right oh, Super Soccer Mom!” said the Captain, before soaring away into the sky, cape streaming behind him.

The soccer ball chirped happily when it had lasered through the last ropes. Jennifer looked askance at Super Soccer Mom, who shrugged. “We’re pregnant again. Number seven.”

“Congratulations,” said Jennifer. “I’d like to go home now.”

There was a sudden distant whistle. “Train’ll be along in a few,” said Super Soccer Mom.

“I think I’ll walk,” Jennifer said.

Super Soccer Mom shrugged again. “Suit yourself.”  She grabbed hold of the soccer ball, which powered up a small jet engine and carried her away into the sky.

Not for the last time, Jennifer seriously considered moving to a non-superhero city.

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3 Comments
  1. This was so fun to read! I loved what happened to the villain’s assistant too, nice touch, thanks for sharing.

  2. I like the character development of the villain and the super-hero soccer mom at the end threw me for a silly loop. Thanks for the read. (Found you on YeahWrite)

  3. Another entertaining romp through your supervillain/hero world, what fun! And yes, I can see why everyday people who don’t fall into one of those groups might consider moving to some place less… interesting.

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