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A Grave Offense

by on May 2, 2018

It was a dark and stormy night, which befitted the troubled soul of Captain Midnight, for he had sworn his eldritch powers to maintain order in this tempestuous demopolis, and yet – and yet  – Thomas Corcoran (age six) had not returned his library book promptly.

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  1. Totally got a laugh out of me at work. This is adorable!

  2. I know this prompt was supposed to inspire bad writing, but I just have to complement your sentence structure on this. Brilliant! Pushing the main clause of the sentence to the end behind the apparently irrelevant hook to create irony. And I love how the “- and yet -” breaks up and separates the clauses and the repetition draws and focuses the reader’s attention. I feel like the structure and the plot of this sentence work great together. 👌

  3. Purple prose is so clearly in your wheelhouse! Great job on bringing out the best of purple — lots of florid turns of phrase while still maintaining a really strong internal structure and a plot. Nicely done.

  4. Very cute. I couldn’t help but laugh.
    The ‘and yet’ sentence break was right on. 🙂

  5. You made me like Thomas and root for him immediately.

  6. This is so so purple. Great job and the ending made me laugh.

  7. Poor Thomas! I like the way the ending brought the beginning down to reality. Nice contrast!

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