The Direct Approach

“Right,” Donny said to himself. “This should be easy. I’m an angel. Angels don’t get airsick.”

His charge, Bill McCormick, had been assigned to go on a business trip to a conference of wind turbine technicians. Donny, as his guardian angel, was duly tagging along. He had assumed his duties would be on the light side: keeping his charge from being poisoned by conference snacks or run over in a crosswalk. What Donny had neglected to consider was that a guardian angel’s charge can be in peril in more ways than one.

He was staring out the plane window, safely invisible two rows behind his charge, trying to focus on the passing clouds, when someone jabbed him forcefully on the shoulder. Donny whirled around, wondering if if was his superior Raphael dropping by to check. To his surprise, it was another angel. “Lisa? What’re you doing here?”

“Trying to stop your guy from goin’ after my girl!” Lisa snapped. “He’s married, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, but happily,” Donny said defensively. “I’ve been guarding him for a month. He and what’s her name are solid. I checked!”

Lisa sniffed. “Check harder. ‘Cause the way he’s looking at Annie they’re going to be knockin’ boots in the bathroom before we’re over Chicago. And I’m not even sure that’s legal!”

Donny frantically looked for his charge. He had last seen Bill watching an in-flight movie in his seat. To Donny’s horror, Bill wasn’t in his assigned seat anymore, neither was he watching the movie. Instead he was leaning against a bulkhead chatting up a flight attendant. The amount of light in between them was vanishingly small.

“Oh no,” Donny said. “Oh, no, no, no, he can’t do this! He’s got an anniversary next month! He’s got kids! Several!”

Lisa sighed. “You’ve never been on anti-temptation detail, have you?”

“No, not yet, but I didn’t think – I’ve got to do something! I’ll remind him of his marriage vows! Quote 1 Corinthians at him! Something!”

“You really haven’t been on anti-temptation detail before,” Lisa said, rolling her eyes. “Watch and learn, kid. I saw something interesting in the baggage compartment.”

She vanished in a flurry of wings. Donny wondered if he should try quoting Scripture anyway. He was just about to make the attempt when he heard a loud metal clang. “Ow!” Bill yelped. “What the- who threw that?”

As Annie rushed to find a bandage, Lisa reappeared by Donny’s side, twirling a cast iron skillet in her hand like a band-leader’s baton. “Would’ve been easier if they’d let her put this in the carry-on,” she said casually. “But no, TSA says skillets have to go in the checked baggage. Typical.”

“You whacked him over the head with a skillet,” Donny said. “And…that works?”

“Every time. Some angels like the philosophical method, sure. Me, I go the direct approach. Betcha he won’t try that again soon.”

Advertisement