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The Catrina Chronicles

The Catrina Chronicles are the stories of a princess who knows she’s a story character, and has all sorts of wacky adventures.

Cast of Characters

  • Catrina: she’s the main heroine of the Chronicles, which stands to reason since they’re named after her. She was originally named Caitlin, but she got ret-conned into her current name by the magic sword Continuityslicer. Her current favorite weapon is Mlrning (the Shovel of Thor!), and she has a sort of half-smile she gets right before she starts setting into her enemies. She also has a birthmark the exact shape of Newfoundland. She’s originally from the 12th-century Shmirmingard Castle, but she’s been around a lot, time-travel and all. Also she’s married to…
  • Perry: the cousin of the Shmirmingard librarian, and Catrina’s Love Interest.  Perry doesn’t really have a favorite weapon, per se, but he is fairly clever. He also turned out to be a clone planted in Shmirmingard to spy on it on behalf of Atlantis. This was not suspected at all by…
  • Ermingard: Catrina’s best friend, in a way. Ermingard isn’t the cheeriest person in the world, as her family motto is “Splat is coming.” She was originally from the 10th century, but she was asleep for two hundred years due to a Sleeping Beauty story gone wrong; fortunately Catrina managed to wake her up by kissing Perry. Ermingard wields a crossbow that shoots spork-arrows powered by the Sporky Force, which she got from a trip to the 42nd century, which she went to as a result of an encounter with….
  • Katrina: Catrina’s evil clone. Clone isn’t entirely accurate, exactly; she originally played the role of Catrina in Catrina: the Movie, released in 2016. However, she turned to evil as a result of acquiring a green Sporksaber. As a villain, she believes in following all the traditional villain rules, such as leaving the hero in elaborate deathtraps, and delivering melodramatic monologues punctuated by evil laughter. Unlike Catrina, her birthmark is in the shape of North Korea, and she’s blonde. At any rate, she’s a bit less evil than….
  • Susan: ex-mistress of Character Hell (where all bad story characters go when they die. Susan is bad news. She is villainy personified. She rarely delivers monologues, and she loathes elaborate death traps; she’d rather just shoot the heroine and get it over with. Her main goal is to destroy all fictional reality, because she thinks that the real world should be the only world. She’s nearly done it several times, but fortunately Catrina’s stopped her. So far.

1: A Princess Story

2: A Bit of Magic

3: Caitlin vs. Minions

4: Caitlin vs. Vladimir

5: Caitlin vs. Death

6: Zombie Penguin Caitlin, Part One

7: Zombie Penguin Caitlin, Part Two

8: Zombie Penguin Caitlin, Part Three

9: Caitlin and the Song of Pain

10: Caitlin and the Dark Side (They Do Not Have Cookies)

11: The Duck, The Princess, and the Lightsaber

12: Everything’s Shiny, Caitlin, Not to Fret

13: Caitlin vs. Susan

14: Caitlin and the Secret of Shmirmingard

15: Caitlin and the Librarian’s Cousin

16: In Which Caitlin is Nearly a Tasty Snack

17: In Which Caitlin is Nearly a Tasty Snack, Again

18: So Tweasure Your Wuv, Caitlin

19: Susan and the Long Grey Beard of History.

20: Susan vs. Catrina

21: Catrina Sees the Funky Chicken

22: The Tale of Ermingard

23: Catrina and the Collapse of Continuity

24: Catrinayashi Maru

25: Catrina and Perry, Sittin’ in a Tree

26: Bam, Said Catrina

27: A Very Catrina Christmas

28: Revenge of the Tickle Monster

29: Catrina’s Wonderful Life

30: Ermingard and the Quest for the Golden Spleen

31: A Gathering of Erminauts

32: Timey Wimey Ermie

33: A Pause for Exposition and a Cameo

34: Ermingard’s Future Isn’t Bright (So She Doesn’t Have to Wear Shades).

35: In Which There Are Dramatic Revelations And Also A Cow

36: Ermingard with the Spork Brigade

37: Ermingard vs. The Cow (May He Moo Forever)

38: Enter Katrina

39: Who You Gonna Call? Not Catrina.

40: In Which There is a Very Big Kaboom

41: Oh Brave New World, That Has Katrina In It

42: Ermingard Goes to the Mall, and Hilarity Ensues

43: We Few, We Happy Few, We Band of Hamsters

44: Ermiclipsed

45: Better Not Cry.

46: Susanocalypse Now

47: Revenge of the Zombie Penguins

48: Deus ex Catrina

49: Catrina Say What?

50: In Which Catrina Learns to Appreciate the Little Things in Life

51: Yar Har Fiddle-Dee-Dee

52. Toot-toot, Peanut Butter

53. She’s Catrina, and She Knows It

54. Ermingard and Katrina vs. Vikings

55: Another Catrina Christmas, Part One

56: Another Catrina Christmas, Part Two

57: Ermingard and Katrina…and Melanie!

58: A Norse is a Norse, Of Course, Of Course.

59: Cantina Catrina.

60: Beam Me Up, Catrina

61: In Which Catrina Gets Into Trouble.

62: The Devil Went Down to Asgard

63. The Trial of Catrina: Motions in Villainy

64. The Trial of Catrina: Don’t Stop Voir Diring

65. The Trial of Catrina: Opening Statements

66. The Trial of Catrina: Bam Said the Jury

67. Heroine Smuggling

68. In Which Catrina has an Unfortunate Snack

69. Like Footballs of Hope

70. They Call Her Sword Miranda

71. In Which a Frisbee Proves to be Very Useful

72. Random Koala

73. Sibling Rivalry

74. And When She Was Bad

75. Conversations with Trolls

76. She Was Horrid

77. DERP

78: By the Trousers of Merlin!

79: A is for Accitent

80. B is for Blasters (And Brothers and Bears, Oh My)

81. C is for C-Monsters

82. D is for Denoument

83. E is for Ewokington, and Overly Enthusiastic Fairies

84. F is for Flowers…and LeFay

85. G is for Gnome Enthusiasts

86. H is for Hippobears and Hippogriffs

87. I is for Infernal Iguanas

88. J is for Jousting Judicials

89. K is for Killer Tomato Wizards

90. L is for Little Fibs that Couldn’t Hurt Anybody

91. M is for Mighty Mecha Meteors

92. N is for Nearly Impending Doom

93. O is for Omnibabies

94. P is for Prestidigitonium

95. Q is for Quixotic and Quintessential Quibbling

96. R is for Repossession

97. How Susan Stole Christmas, and Catrina Stole it Back

98. S is for Snowsharknadoes

99. T is for Transmogrified Theremins

99. U is for Uvulas

100. Episode the One Hundredth

101. V is for Venus

102. W is for Wakened Monsters

103. X is for Xylophonia

104. Y is for Yodel-ay-hee-hoo

105. Z is for Zounds

106. Loomings

107. Enter Ahab; To Him, Catrina

108: Ahab and Starbuck in the Zeppelin

109: In Which Catrina Quotes the Rule Against Perpetuities, to Great Effect

110: There She Blows

111: In Which Catrina Renews an Old Acquaintance

112: In Which Catrina and Susan Attend a Parade in Sarajevo, 1914

113: She Didn’t Start the Fire

114: The Shovel Heard ‘Round the World

115: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

116. Last Christmas

117. A Star, A Star, Shining in the Night

118. Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum

119. Conversations With Turbolifts

120. Conversations With Lizards

121. Slightly Too Close Encounters

122. In Which Catrina Wishes She Had Studied Her Latin

123. A New Quest

124. In Which the Lady of the Lake Appears

125. In Which Catrina Meets Nessie

126. Catrina vs. Nessie, Part Two

127. Catrina vs. Susan, Again

128. Zippity-Resurrecto


1. Catrina: IN SPACE!  This takes place roughly after Episode 25; Episodes 26-29 exist in their own special continuity, Episode 30 is where the timeline starts proper again, and Episode 38 is where Catrina actually gets back in the story herself after the events of the novel. You can buy it in both print and e-book versions.

2. The Catrina Chronicles: Year One. This is a collection of all the Catrina stories from the first year, including Episodes 1-29.

3. Nuclear Family: This story is technically about Captain Happily Married and Super Soccer Mom, but Catrina plays a prominent role in it. In Catrina’s timeline, it takes place shortly before Episode 58.

  1. Yep, it’s official. I have added a ‘catch up on Catrina’ to my (as yet unpublished) goals page for 2012. 😀

  2. Hey, do you sell Catrina in Space as an ebook?? I couldn’t see it on Amazon other than in paperback so just wondered. It might be a good idea to think about it ’cause a lot of people just do ebooks nowadays 🙂

    • I haven’t as of yet, but I am giving that some thought. I’m a traditionalist myself, you see; I don’t think I’ll ever buy an e-book reader. It’s just not the same as a print copy. On the other hand, e-books are the wave of the future. And I’d rather be the surfer on the wave then the Statue of Liberty that always gets demolished by the tsunami in the disaster movies.

      • I totally agree with you – I don’t have an e-Reader either, though I’m tempted ’cause of all the eBooks I’ve won/got for free and would otherwise have to read off a computer screen, which is not fun at all!

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Caitlin vs. Susan « Writer With A Slinky
  2. Caitlin and the Secret of Shmirmingard « Writer With A Slinky
  3. Caitlin and the Librarian’s Cousin « Writer With A Slinky

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