The Catrina Chronicles are the stories of a princess who knows she’s a story character, and has all sorts of wacky adventures.
Cast of Characters
- Catrina: she’s the main heroine of the Chronicles, which stands to reason since they’re named after her. She was originally named Caitlin, but she got ret-conned into her current name by the magic sword Continuityslicer. Her current favorite weapon is Mlrning (the Shovel of Thor!), and she has a sort of half-smile she gets right before she starts setting into her enemies. She also has a birthmark the exact shape of Newfoundland. She’s originally from the 12th-century Shmirmingard Castle, but she’s been around a lot, time-travel and all. Also she’s married to…
- Luke: formerly known as Perry, he was the cousin of the Shmirmingard librarian, and Catrina’s Love Interest. Perry doesn’t really have a favorite weapon, per se, but he is fairly clever. He also turned out to be a clone planted in Shmirmingard to spy on it on behalf of Atlantis. This was not suspected at all by…
- Ermingard: Catrina’s best friend, in a way. Ermingard isn’t the cheeriest person in the world, as her family motto is “Splat is coming.” She was originally from the 10th century, but she was asleep for two hundred years due to a Sleeping Beauty story gone wrong; fortunately Catrina managed to wake her up by kissing Perry. Ermingard wields a crossbow that shoots spork-arrows powered by the Sporky Force, which she got from a trip to the 42nd century, which she went to as a result of an encounter with….
- Katrina: Catrina’s evil clone. Clone isn’t entirely accurate, exactly; she originally played the role of Catrina in Catrina: the Movie, released in 2016. However, she turned to evil as a result of acquiring a green Sporksaber. As a villain, she believes in following all the traditional villain rules, such as leaving the hero in elaborate deathtraps, and delivering melodramatic monologues punctuated by evil laughter. Unlike Catrina, her birthmark is in the shape of North Korea, and she’s blonde. At any rate, she’s a bit less evil than….
- Susan: ex-mistress of Character Hell (where all bad story characters go when they die. Susan is bad news. She is villainy personified. She rarely delivers monologues, and she loathes elaborate death traps; she’d rather just shoot the heroine and get it over with. Her main goal is to destroy all fictional reality, because she thinks that the real world should be the only world. She’s nearly done it several times, but fortunately Catrina’s stopped her. So far.
1: A Princess Story
2: A Bit of Magic
3: Caitlin vs. Minions
4: Caitlin vs. Vladimir
5: Caitlin vs. Death
6: Zombie Penguin Caitlin, Part One
7: Zombie Penguin Caitlin, Part Two
8: Zombie Penguin Caitlin, Part Three
9: Caitlin and the Song of Pain
10: Caitlin and the Dark Side (They Do Not Have Cookies)
11: The Duck, The Princess, and the Lightsaber
12: Everything’s Shiny, Caitlin, Not to Fret
13: Caitlin vs. Susan
14: Caitlin and the Secret of Shmirmingard
15: Caitlin and the Librarian’s Cousin
16: In Which Caitlin is Nearly a Tasty Snack
17: In Which Caitlin is Nearly a Tasty Snack, Again
18: So Tweasure Your Wuv, Caitlin
19: Susan and the Long Grey Beard of History.
20: Susan vs. Catrina
21: Catrina Sees the Funky Chicken
22: The Tale of Ermingard
23: Catrina and the Collapse of Continuity
24: Catrinayashi Maru
25: Catrina and Perry, Sittin’ in a Tree
26: Bam, Said Catrina
27: A Very Catrina Christmas
28: Revenge of the Tickle Monster
29: Catrina’s Wonderful Life
30: Ermingard and the Quest for the Golden Spleen
31: A Gathering of Erminauts
32: Timey Wimey Ermie
33: A Pause for Exposition and a Cameo
34: Ermingard’s Future Isn’t Bright (So She Doesn’t Have to Wear Shades).
35: In Which There Are Dramatic Revelations And Also A Cow
36: Ermingard with the Spork Brigade
37: Ermingard vs. The Cow (May He Moo Forever)
38: Enter Katrina
39: Who You Gonna Call? Not Catrina.
40: In Which There is a Very Big Kaboom
41: Oh Brave New World, That Has Katrina In It
42: Ermingard Goes to the Mall, and Hilarity Ensues
43: We Few, We Happy Few, We Band of Hamsters
45: Better Not Cry.
46: Susanocalypse Now
47: Revenge of the Zombie Penguins
48: Deus ex Catrina
49: Catrina Say What?
50: In Which Catrina Learns to Appreciate the Little Things in Life
51: Yar Har Fiddle-Dee-Dee
52. Toot-toot, Peanut Butter
53. She’s Catrina, and She Knows It
54. Ermingard and Katrina vs. Vikings
55: Another Catrina Christmas, Part One
56: Another Catrina Christmas, Part Two
57: Ermingard and Katrina…and Melanie!
58: A Norse is a Norse, Of Course, Of Course.
59: Cantina Catrina.
60: Beam Me Up, Catrina
61: In Which Catrina Gets Into Trouble.
62: The Devil Went Down to Asgard
63. The Trial of Catrina: Motions in Villainy
64. The Trial of Catrina: Don’t Stop Voir Diring
65. The Trial of Catrina: Opening Statements
66. The Trial of Catrina: Bam Said the Jury
67. Heroine Smuggling
68. In Which Catrina has an Unfortunate Snack
69. Like Footballs of Hope
70. They Call Her Sword Miranda
71. In Which a Frisbee Proves to be Very Useful
72. Random Koala
73. Sibling Rivalry
74. And When She Was Bad
75. Conversations with Trolls
76. She Was Horrid
78: By the Trousers of Merlin!
79: A is for Accitent
80. B is for Blasters (And Brothers and Bears, Oh My)
81. C is for C-Monsters
82. D is for Denoument
83. E is for Ewokington, and Overly Enthusiastic Fairies
84. F is for Flowers…and LeFay
85. G is for Gnome Enthusiasts
86. H is for Hippobears and Hippogriffs
87. I is for Infernal Iguanas
88. J is for Jousting Judicials
89. K is for Killer Tomato Wizards
90. L is for Little Fibs that Couldn’t Hurt Anybody
91. M is for Mighty Mecha Meteors
92. N is for Nearly Impending Doom
93. O is for Omnibabies
94. P is for Prestidigitonium
95. Q is for Quixotic and Quintessential Quibbling
96. R is for Repossession
97. How Susan Stole Christmas, and Catrina Stole it Back
98. S is for Snowsharknadoes
99. T is for Transmogrified Theremins
99. U is for Uvulas
100. Episode the One Hundredth
101. V is for Venus
102. W is for Wakened Monsters
103. X is for Xylophonia
104. Y is for Yodel-ay-hee-hoo
105. Z is for Zounds
107. Enter Ahab; To Him, Catrina
108: Ahab and Starbuck in the Zeppelin
109: In Which Catrina Quotes the Rule Against Perpetuities, to Great Effect
110: There She Blows
111: In Which Catrina Renews an Old Acquaintance
112: In Which Catrina and Susan Attend a Parade in Sarajevo, 1914
113: She Didn’t Start the Fire
114: The Shovel Heard ‘Round the World
115: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
116. Last Christmas
117. A Star, A Star, Shining in the Night
118. Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum
119. Conversations With Turbolifts
120. Conversations With Lizards
1. Catrina: IN SPACE! This takes place roughly after Episode 25; Episodes 26-29 exist in their own special continuity, Episode 30 is where the timeline starts proper again, and Episode 38 is where Catrina actually gets back in the story herself after the events of the novel. You can buy it in both print and e-book versions.
2. The Catrina Chronicles: Year One. This is a collection of all the Catrina stories from the first year, including Episodes 1-29.
3. Nuclear Family: This story is technically about Captain Happily Married and Super Soccer Mom, but Catrina plays a prominent role in it. In Catrina’s timeline, it takes place shortly before Episode 58.